Hi Everybody! Here we will talk about the text Breaking the Silence. I would like you to discuss your ideas about one of the points Khalaf made. Naturally, you may agree or disagree. Whatever you do, please support your ideas with concrete evidence. To post your blog, click on publish a comment. Note that you are also required to respond to one of classmate's post. This blog post is a part of your grade. Your post should consist of at least two paragraphs. Your reply naturally may be shorter but should be meaningful and should encourage dialogue.
I love the dialogue this blog generated. Wonderful.
I love the dialogue this blog generated. Wonderful.
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ReplyDeleteLebanon is one of the countries that houses lots of different cultures and religions. Therefore one can encounter many ways of thinking and see people living together that adhere to various communities with diverse traditions and ethics.
ReplyDeleteIn her text, Khalaf exposes these ways of living while focusing on one sector, which is what AUB students really think about sex, and supports her statements by giving live examples which makes her text more vivid and true.
In my opinion, I find that Khalaf gave more importance to students’ statements that come from two extreme backgrounds. Either these students are or come from very conservative backgrounds or one can feel them extremely modern.
Khalaf also pointed out a very interesting fact, how women provoke men with their apparel and how wearing makeup or showing off body parts make them feel about themselves and the attention they get. When reading this text one clearly notices to gap between the way children think and the way their parents think. Sometimes it’s not very easy for our parents to understand our behavior.
After reading this text, one may tend to think about the role of women in our society, what she symbolizes but also it makes us wonder about women’s power of attraction and how or when she uses it.
I agree with you entirely, Khalaf did give more importance to students' statements coming from extreme backgrounds, and I'd like to add as well that she did not give any importance about the parent's statements. The text might be about "what AUB students really think about sex", but in order to give a non-biased production, she should have looked at the parents' opinion as well.
DeleteAnd no, it certainly isn't easy for our parents to understand us...
Nice ending by the way :)
Women's power of attraction.
DeleteIs it conceivable that women dress in a certain way just to gain freedom, to show that their behavior will not be limited by the 'social boundaries'? I'm trying to understand those women who dress in a certain provocative way, and one example comes to my mind.
When women first started wearing pants. Like Elizabeth Smith Miller,a suffragette, who's goal in the 1800s was "to help women in the United States win the right to vote." (First women to wear pants, by Liz O Donnell).
I wonder if the behavior of the exhibitionists (as called in Khalaf study)can be compared to those of the women in the '80's.
Reference:Liz O Donell, First Women To Wear Pants: http://womens-fashion.lovetoknow.com/First_Woman_to_Wear_Pants
In her text, Khalaf had exposed two 'clashing' members of the society: the youngsters(represented by AUB students), and the adults(represented by the student's parents). These two members were in conflict about an important and flagrant topic: 'pre-marital sex'. And their conflict was based on cultural aspects such as reputation, marriage, gender differences..etc.
ReplyDeleteTwo major ideas had 'spoken out' to me while reading this excerpt.
The first one, was Khalaf's use of the example that Seidman once "attributed to the opposing"(text) groups which was the idea of the "romantics" and the "libertarians". I had never actually considered before, to classify our generation and the parents' in those specific terms.And I agree with Khalaf that it might be true that most of our parents are a bit of romantics when it comes to sex, pushing us to postpone it until we find our 'soulmate'. And I respect the fact that Khalaf did not go and generalize by saying that our generation is libertarian, because many do believe that love comes before sex.
The second idea was the exhibitionists that Khalaf had talked about. But here, I do not agree entirely. In her opinion, females tend to dress in an 'indecent' way hoping to have sexual attraction. But in fact, females prefer the exposure to show their femininity in order to be differentiated from males and gain freedom, and to prove just how confident they really are. Thus not everything is as Khalaf had said "a competitive game of "outdoing each other".
The second point you mentioned is interesting. I agree with the fact that not all women dress in a 'indecent' way to attract the opposite sex. Maybe unconsciously. But some women like to dress up just for themselves, for the sake of feeling beautiful and confident.
DeleteBut then again, why the need to be indecent? A women could be attractive and beautiful without necessarily being indecent.
I don't think that most of the parents are romantics, I think that the reason parents push their children to wait until marriage to have sex is because they worry about their children's (mainly girls) reputation. I'm not sure most parents believe in soul mates because like Khalaf mentioned hypocrisy is a characteristic found in some parents who they themselves have sexual relationships with other partners.
DeleteI really like how Khalaf started her story by emphasizing that the topic is rarely talked about and that it is a sensitive topic. This helped me be ready for what is to come next. In her story, Khalaf added stories by different students. This made the story much more interesting for me and it made me understand the text more clearly. It is really interesting how she added different points of view to every topic.
ReplyDeleteI felt that Khalaf focused greatly on the topic that parents and students have a different perspective on sex. I agree with this method as other topics simply emerge from the problems of different views of the parents and the students. Khalaf stressed on the fact that parents view sex in terms of marriage while students view sex in terms of experimentation and satisfaction. I agree with this as the new generation obviously thinks differently of sex. It is absolutely normal to be able to view something in different perspective. My favorite part of Khalaf’s text was when she introduced “cynicism and social hypocrisy of parents”. I did not expect her to go that far in trying to ruin the “perfect image” of parents. However, it is really the case in most households as one student said “My parents lead separate lives. I know they both have lovers. Well to be perfectly honest, my father fools around with many women. At first my mother was angry, but now she does her own thing. Of course, in front of their kids they act like a normal and happy couple-Reem”. I admire Khalaf’s students’ honesty and I wonder how she made them to talk freely with full honesty.
The best aspect of this text was that Khalaf did not have limits. She wrote about a topic that may be controversial to others. Her text had no boundaries and her text was extremely detailed and informative.
Elie Broumana
Elie, I totally back you up on your discussion. Sex has always been one of the '3ayb' topics in Lebanon. It was one of those embarrassing discussions with parents that would barely graze the surface. This text is definitely the biggest eye opener about sex specifically at AUB. I feel that if nothing like this was written, nobody would really think about the in depth sex psychology at AUB. Theories would barely graze the surface as speculations.
DeleteOverall, the entire article was really well written and it managed to tackle a very sensitive subject and handled it really well. She shed light on a certain issue obviously afflicting several young Lebanese men and women. What really caught my interest though is when Khalaf pointed out that from her female students none of them “raised the possibility of being interesting to men or even happy with them in non-sexual ways”. It really caught my attention because I think it really says something about not only Lebanon but people in general and how we now view relationships.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I didn't fully grasp what Khalaf exactly meant by non-sexual ways but I think she may be referring to a relationship based on love and mutual respect and without sex. Can the existence of such relationship still be a real thing? Can romance like that survive in these modern times? Many of us would say no because of how notions and ideals such as everlasting love have slowly died in the 21st century. As people, I think the idea of marriage is becoming more and more unappealing due to the fact many marriages now end in divorce. Monogamy was seen as a way to find love but nowadays divorce proves that otherwise. Just like Joumana says in the article, she finds marriages to be useless because of her parents’ divorce which prompted her to want to experiment with many people before she decides how to live her private life. Another reason why I think the concept of romance and being able to have a solely romantic relationship is dying is because of the fact that sex is overexposed in all areas of media. Because something so private can become so public and be shown and discussed so abashedly, it becomes something that can influence us to think that who we choose to have sex with can be anyone because there can be no such thing as having one partner, just like your favorite actors, musicians and artists.
In the end, I think that people’s views on relationships have changed drastically in the past couple of years but I think that romantic relationships can exist but only if you can balance it between the romantic and the sexual. It is give or take and there can’t be any one more important than the other. Innately, humans are drawn towards sex but we are also drawn towards romance and passion and a relationship to me should be a balance of these two very human instincts.
Nehme Hamadeh
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DeleteI love the dialogue this generated and how the dialogue was conducted.
DeleteAfter reading this Study by Roseanne Khalaf, I got frustrated. Indeed, even if it was interesting and shed light on some very important issue, I felt like she didn't capture the complete image about sex in AUB. Her view on this matter was extreme, she only mentioned the people who think that sex is a game and a mode of communication and the others who would do anything to save their virginity for their husbands. She discussed exhaustively the Conservative approach and the Liberal approach on sex.
ReplyDeleteBut, what about the people with more moderate views on sex? Khalaf didn’t mention those people in her study but as an AUB student, I feel like there are a lot of students with this type of views. Those persons still view sex as a sacred and intimate act shared with a person you love, respect and feel comfortable with. But for them, contrary to the conservative approach, sex isn’t about a calculation to save themselves for marriage. It would have been interesting if Khalaf included that in her study thus making it more complete.
Maybe the fact that her information about sex in AUB came from a creative writing class influenced that factor. Indeed, this sample isn't perfectly representative of the AUB students’ population. That’s why, it would have been preferable if Khalaf explored and investigated on a bigger and more diverse sample before writing her article.
Diana Khair.
I completely agree with you. I think Khalaf's study wasn't really showing the majority of AUB students's opinions on sex. The text was focused on either very religious people or extremely rebel and open students.
DeleteSure,AUB is a place where a lot of different religions and beliefs collide and maybe there are a lot of people who have the same opinions as those quoted in the text,but since Khalaf only limited her study to the students in her creative writing class,I think it's safe to say that the title of the study which is "What AUB students really think about sex" isn't completely appropriate. Like you said, there are a lot of people at AUB with more moderate views on sex whose opinions aren't mentioned in Khalaf's study and maybe she should have explored the topic a little bit more.
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DeleteI agree with you. Khalaf forgot to mention the people who are in the middle. She only mentioned the students who are very conservative and the ones who are very open. But there are other points of view concerning this issue. And I think you're right, Khalaf used examples from students who are taking a creative writing course.
DeleteIn my opinion this kind of course attracts students who have the same personality and who like to express their feelings through writing. Usually these students have opinions that are different from those of the majority of the society.
I totally support your critisim on the text. Khalaf discussed only the extreme cases within a tiny group of students and then she put her study under the title "What AUB students really think about sex".
DeleteI believe that she should've either widened her study or made it clear to the reader that she is shedding light on certain specific students.
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ReplyDeleteYou have made some really strong points,
DeleteI agree with you that some lebanese women dress to "exhibit their bodies in provocative ways", although it is a very broad conclusion to make.The way people dress is influenced by various different things such as their taste, religion, up bringing and may even be influenced by something as innocent as comfort.
You are right by saying people "dress to impress others" although it might not always be in a sexually appealing way or in a competitive way but rather in a way to boost their confidence by feeling comfortable with their appearance or simply just to fit in.
The point you made about not feeling awkward when discussing sex is something i feel strongly about as people should definitely feel confident enough to create their own opinions on sex so that when they are faced with the decision of when to have sex and with whom, they are not influenced by societies norms or peer pressured into their decisions, as our body is the only thing we truly own in this world.
Great comment !!
Although I found Khalaf’s text very interesting, I noticed that she solely focuses on the two extremes of the topic. Throughout the whole text, I haven’t seen one testimony from someone coming from a “normal” background.
ReplyDeleteThe people Khalaf quotes in her text are either extremely religious or completely open to the idea of premarital sex. Anyone who was to read this text would believe that there is no golden mean when it comes to the subject of premarital sex in Lebanon, which is completely false. People can be open minded about premarital sex without necessarily being vulgar about it.
Another point Khalaf made that bothered me was in the paragraph “The Exhibitionist: Indecent Exposure” where she insists on the fact that women at AUB only dress in a “sexy” or “vulgar” way in order to outdo each other and attract men’s attention. That may be true for some students, but I don’t think everyone at AUB thinks that way. What particularly frustrated me was that the author generalized some people’s opinions and made them seem as the only opinions that matter.
I liked the way Khalaf was able to discuss the topic of sex so openly with her students. I think it’s one of the major reasons why this text is so interesting and different to read. I was also impressed by the broadness and the originality of the subjects and themes that Khalaf was able to distinguish and organize in order to write this text.
Ariane Haddad
I couldn't agree more. Khalaf selected extreme cases to support her claim, and failed to include some one who is in-between, or what you said; someone coming from a "normal" background.
DeleteI also agree that Khalaf generalized students. You are absolutely right, not all students think alike, and taking opinions of a few students doesn't necessarily represent the opinions of others.
You stated your opinion quite beautifully. I completely agree and in fact wrote my own paragraph about the same topic because it genuinely bothered me that there were only two extremes. The reason it kind of annoyed me is because I myself fall in the middle between the two ideologies. In fact, a lot of my friends also are placed in the middle. I don't hear many girls saying "I need to wear short shorts today so that men will want to have sex with me." I honestly do not think that that is the intention of most of these young women. I'm sure some of them do crave attention and do wear revealing clothing for that purpose, but on the other hand, a lot of girls are just naturally comfortable in wearing low cut tops and short shorts and wear said items for their own comfort and pleasure and not just to feed some raging desire for sex. With that being said, I feel it is wrong to call these women vulgar. It is such a harsh word. Makes them sound profane and filthy, which is generally not the case.
DeleteI believe that you are totally right when you say, "People can be open minded about premarital sex without necessarily being vulgar about it."
“Breaking the Silence: What AUB Students Really think About Sex” written by Roseanne Khalaf deal with a very interesting task that caught my and probably all my colleagues’ attention. In fact, all of us talk and share our opinions about this “SEX” topic but most of the time with our friends and not publicly. That’s why I loved reading about AUB student’s opinions about it because knowing what they think is like knowing what most of the teenagers think.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I appreciated the part where she talked about the dualism between the parents and their children and exposed their two opposing sexual ideologies because it really gives us a true idea about our society; but this wasn’t something new, I think we all knew this information before reading the text. However what I was really interested in, is what most the students’ were saying, which made me consider this text as an alert message for all for the readers. It’s like a revolution against all traditions and religious’ concepts. I realized that most of them support premarital sex and think that they have the freedom to do whatever they love with their bodies. But the problem resides in the reason they are using it. In fact, premarital sex is nothing but a way to bring them some pleasure. Some of the people will disagree with me but this the truth. We can’t let pleasure be our guide in life. We must not become like animals that follows their instinct, we must reason well and think about its bad effects on our society. But we must not blame just the teenagers for making these decisions, we have to blame their parents who act in a wrong way towards them in order to prevent them from doing it: The WAY you deliver the message plays in a major role in its effect on other.
Beside that, I would have loved seeing her talking about the families that presents two attitudes towards their children depending on their sex identities. Like if it was a male they would give him the freedom to do whatever he likes to do and if it was a female they’ll force on her some severe restrictions. I think she missed a very important idea to discuss it with the students because we encounter lots of situations like that in our society. These situations show lots of injustice that’s why I prefer to prevent premarital sex for everybody and not just for females because of their virginity issue; I know, it will tortures us a lot, and by us I mean males, who wait for this moment from since we are born, but this is the way we should act. I think this can be done by giving religion a bigger importance and delivering its concepts in the right way.
RIBAL HACHEM
In the article, Khalaf discusses many issues concerning sex in
ReplyDeleteLebanon; some of which we are familiar with, while others of which
have astonished us. One of Khalaf’s ideas that brought my attention is
the parent child dualism. Khalaf makes a comparison between the
mentalities of two generations; parents and their children. Khalaf
states that students view sex as a self-achievement, or in other
words, they view sex as a prize. This is somewhat agreeable. From
conversations I have had with different groups of friends, sex is a
thought that, to a certain point, always crosses their minds. In my
opinion, many people my age view sex as a goal that must be achieved
as soon as possible, however, Khalaf takes a broad view and
generalizes all students as such. I don’t think that all students view
sex as a goal that is yet to be accomplished. Some students remain
influenced by religion, or ethical beliefs, and tend to understand the
morality of sex.
In addition, Khalaf gives an idea of the parent’s mentality towards
sex as she states that parents point out the dangers of having
meaningless sex. I most definitely agree with her statement, as many
parents do not support the idea of their children having sex, and only
worry about the risks that sex may carry. Parents, especially parents
of young women, usually avoid discussing this matter with their
daughters, and are uncomfortable with the subject when it comes to
their child. According to Khalaf, this difference in the generations’
mentality is what breaks away the bond between the two generations.
One of the students that Khalaf interviews says, “My parents allow me
to have a relationship as long as there is no sex […] of course I know
what they are asking is impossible so I can never be open and honest
with them on this issue”. I believe that Khalaf makes a good point.
Having parents that have strict opinions and regulations, students
tend to be dishonest and uncomfortable in opening up to their parents,
when their way of thinking is different. This dishonesty and
insecurity is what creates a wall between the two generations.
Finally, Khalaf’s explanation provides us with a distinctive
understanding of how both parents and their children have opposing
views on sex. However, she gives us a wide view and a generalization
of all students of having this present mentality.
The parent child dualism is very attractive indeed. Khalaf does compare the two generations but only through one generation's eyes. No statements from a parent is found in her text. Although we should not forget that the text is called "What AUB students really think about sex", the influence our parents have on us students cannot be left out. In my opinion, communication between parents and children is an issue. Sometimes we don't understand what our parents mean, or why they don't allow us certain behavior. This distance between children and their parents may be one of the reasons why their children behave this way.
DeleteI very much stand by you when you and Khalaf say that a certain number of people views sex as an achievement. But it is very understandable. Everywhere in the world people especially teenagers would do anything to fit in, let's not forget that they are also highly influenced by the media. There is a little bit of everything in every society though, that is why Khalaf gives another example of the conservative lot of this society. I also think she could have mentioned the "neutral" or the middle lot of AUB students but then maybe she wouldn't really be able to prove a point.
I thought Khalaf's text was very interesting in a way that he discussed something that we would really like to talk about more often so that it becomes less taboo and more of something natural that we can feel comfortable and open about .
ReplyDeleteBut on another hand , Khalaf concentrated her "study" on AUB student's with extremes backgrounds , the really concervative who insisted on keeping their virginity , and the others who thaught that pre-marital sex was just something irrelevant .
she didn't talked about those who had moderate opinion about pre-marital sex, who think that having a sexual relationship sould be , first of all , with a person that loves you and respects you it doesn't necessairly have to be in a marital context. knowing that not alot of married couples are that happy in lebanon , and that alot of weddings could be arranged , so , I don't think that being married with someone you don't truly love gives you the right to have sex with him .
But I am torn between thinking this way or thinking that having sex with the person you are married with makes the marriage and the whole concept of it more precious and sacred .
But in the end everyone has its own opinion and we should really respect one another .
Khalaf also pointed out the fact that girls in AUB dressed in a "vulgar" way just to drag attention , this could be true , but she shouldn't make assumptions like that and people shouldn't judge the way other people dress or think , those girl that she is talking about can dress like that to , indeed , drag attention but also because maybe it is a way to express theirselves and , they are free to wear whatever they want .
Finally , I think that the topic of sex in Lebanon is too taboo and this creates alot of controversions , it shouldn't be this way . everyone should be free to do whatever he wants without being judged .Maybe this is too idealisic but whether we are against or with pre-marital sex , we shouldn't attack each other for not having the same opinonion as ours.
Nour Sehnaoui .
I agree with you,first of all, for the fact that sex should be with someone you love. But does the fact that some married couples aren't happy together allow us and give us the right to have pre-marital sex?
DeleteSecond of all, do you really think that getting dressed in a vulgar way is a way to express oneself? I think a woman should respect others' taste, even though she doesn't have a problem exhibiting her body. In my opinion, a beautiful woman is the one who dresses "normally". That's the true elegance and gracefulness.
I agree with you, but we , and personally don't like this way of getting dressed but we don't have any right to judge or to tell them what to do .
DeleteIndeed simplicity makes beauty.
Of all the controversial topics in Lebanon, sex is probably the one that gets underneath the skin the most. I noticed that Khalaf really went into the intimate details by getting answers from a wide range of people. One of the things that really stood out to me was the way girls at AUB dress. I agree partly to her claim. It seems, mentioned by Khalaf, that women dress in a 'vulgar' way to satisfy a sort of sexual urge and to attract males. On the other hand, in my opinion, women at AUB dress in whatever way they want because 1) they are allowed to(to some exent), 2) They probably feel more comfortable that way(as mentioned by some girls in our 203 class), and finally 3) a feeling of freedom(adulthood).
ReplyDeleteI agree to some extent that experts state that this can take a psychological toll on the woman. I think this can only happen in extreme cases where a women turns into an(sorry for the language)'attention whore'. Before then she would have noticed an increasing amount of attention towards her and would want more, therefore it would be like a drug: She would need to up the dosage to feel the same effect. Nevertheless, this case seems improbable and rare because there are friend groups that discourage this which can subside the extremes of this behavior.
Most girls are either doing sports, having fun during their hobbies, or just hanging out with their friends, in other words distractions. So there shouldn't be too much worry regarding this 'dilemma'.
Amir Harb
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DeleteI agree. Although there are girls that dress in a "vulgar" way to attract men, a lot of them do it just because it's the way they express themselves. Khalaf didn't consider this aspect; instead she labelled them all as "exhibitionists".
DeleteYou've got some good points there, Amir! :)
I agree with you on your point that there may be other reasons for women at AUB to dress provocatively. Khalaf included just one reason in her text and that is, they dress that way in order to attract men. It is not true as there are other reasons such as they may be doing this to challenge their parents. In my opinion, It would have been more appropriate to ask other women to get more answers.
DeleteKhalaf's text is about a very important subject that concerns not only AUB students, but also all university students around the world; because getting enrolled in a univeristy means experiencing a new environment, encountering new people that will make big changes in one's life. I totally agree with everything Khalaf says even though she strongly centers on the two extremes of the topic, without mentioning the "ordinary" students commonly encountered.
ReplyDeleteOne of the subheadings that captured my attention was “The Exhibitionist: Indecent Exposure” , because as a new student at AUB , this issue enamored me as I’ve been witnessing this public nudity since my first day at the university. I feel sorry for having this vulgar and offensive nakedness in a place we come to to educate ourselves for life. It is a shame to find girls who do everything just to exhibit every single detail in their bodies in order to capt men’s attention and attract them. This titillating and erotic activity isn’t a factor that embellishes a woman or shows her femininity. Men have needs and can’t resist seduction, and this is the main reason why a woman should take good care of her wearing apparel so that she doesn’t cause any eroticism to the male students. In addition to that , dressing decently is a must in both religions Islam and Christiany , being mentioned in both The Quran and The Bible.
Furthermore, having a group of men attracted to her, who wish for having her body isn’t something a girl must be proud of. Relationships that get built based on sexual desire are false ones and come to an end sooner or later , with a huge sorrow and frustration especially to the girl.
Thus, the indecent exposure is a very important issue that must be taken into consideration by the exhibitionists who should try to get dressed in a more proper way that respects and regards the common sense.
Marie Rose Dochoyan
I don't believe it's a matter of agreeing or disagreeing with Khalaf. She exposed her research for knowledge, she doesn't really states her own opinion at any part of the text.
DeleteI completely agree with you on the fact that his matter doesn't only concern AUB students but it is an issue everywhere else.
I understand that this "nakedness" and vulgarity as you stated makes you uncomfortable and it is your right. But on the other hand, try seeing it this way (it's just a possibility): maybe these girls dress this way to feel better about themselves and not to attract men. In order to feel good about yourself and be able to socialize with others, some women may have first to feel pretty hence the makeup then fashionably up to a certain standard that changes from women to women. As long as they don't violate the AUB dress code then i think we should just let them be and focus on more important issues.
We shouldn't really relate to a women's apparel being the reason why her relationship is unstable. There are a lot of factor that intervene for a relationship to work at a higher note than apparel like mentality, friends, family..
I'm not saying that a woman's apparel is the reason why her relationship is unstable. What I'm trying to say is that when a woman dresses in a way to attract men, these men will "fall for her" because of her appealing state, because the way she introduces herself is eroticizing, it isn't the usual way of introducing oneself to a man.
DeleteI believe that every woman who dresses indecently just to attract men and seduce them, won't have a real relationship with the man whom she seduced.
To me, "Breaking the Silence" was a very interesting read. It was intriguing to learn more about the different ways my peers view sex. One term that specifically caught my attention was "normal sexuality". Khalaf talked about how students are now moving away from the whole concept of what's socially acceptable in terms of sexual partners and showing an openness towards homosexuality.
ReplyDeleteKhalaf displayed the different views both the students and their parents had on the matter. When a student expressed how she had nothing against gay people, she added, "My dad, however, insists they are abnormal and a threat to society." This shows the huge gap between the openness of the students and the close-mindedness of the parents. An interesting prospect to consider is the origin of this gap. Previous generations didn't have access to the internet like students do today. The internet is now one of the main tools people use to learn more about sexuality. Another point that we have also discussed in class is how a variety of television shows and movies are now handling the topic of homosexuality. Being exposed to these topics everyday on your television screen is bound to affect your views on the matter. Parents, however, were not exposed to the issue of homosexuality in such an unrestricted way. This whole prospect to them is bizzare. Perhaps the fact that students today are so open to homosexuality will play a role in reducing the gap between themselves and the generations to come.
I personally enjoyed reading Khalaf's text "Breaking the Silence," because it took a topic that is considered as very Taboo in Lebanese society and spoke about it freely and in all honesty. After I had finished reading it I just said to myself, "Finally!" The reason for such relief is because sex is something that everybody thinks about. Whether they think pre-martial sex is wrong or whether they think about how much they want it or whatever it is, everybody thinks about sex and has their own opinions on it. Living in Lebanon, we are exposed to many different religious practices, traditions, cultures, and points of view. Many people do not accept their parent's ideologies about sex while others conform completely. Khalaf did a very good job in showing the younger generations outlooks on sex by including the actual sex narratives of the students. However, I must comment on the fact that I feel like the narratives were too...opposing. In my opinion, half of the narratives showed comments from these youngsters that preview wild sexual urges and the need to have multiple sexual partners, while the other portion of students spoke about sex in a way that made me feel like they are disgusted with the very idea of it occuring before marriage. I didn't get the sense of the "happy-medium" in this text. It's either the vulgar women "exhibitionists" with the goal of seducing as many men as possible, or the veiled girls whom believe it is "immoral and unacceptable to have premartial sex" and believe that "society is correct in punishing women who are promiscuous," as a student named Manal said in her own narrative.
ReplyDeleteOther than the fact I disagree with Khalaf for only representing the two extremes, I feel like she did a good overall job on portraying the various principals and philosophies that are present here in Lebanon, and applaud her for being a bold and accessible writer.
Dana Marie Hatab
you are totally right about the fact that KHalaf in her text represented only the extremes without acknowledging the normal people, and this is why we kinda feel a little bit frustrated when we read the text, but if in her text Rosanne highlighted the "happy-medium" her text wouldn't have had a big impact on the readers it would have been like pointing out the obvious. But nevertheless she should have mentioned a part about the non extreme students!
DeleteClearly the range of opinions on the subject of premarital sex is wide and vast. Viewpoints vary indefinitely towards both extremes including some people who have a balanced healthy opinion on the subject where they stand in the middle of both sides. I for one can honestly say that I am not against premarital sex. I find that sex is something enjoyable, not something that should be preserved until marriage. People should be able to do what they please freely without worrying about what "society" thinks.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, I believe that sex is what drives people to expose their bodies and dress the way they do. The objective of such dressing may not be sex itself but it is in the general area of it (kissing and such..) Indecent exposure as claimed in the text is usually to attract people from the opposite sex, and the desire to do that is clearly the desire to engage in some sex-related actions with the "Attractee".
Khalaf quotes some women who say that they want to save themselves for their husband so they can be pure and beautiful for them after they get married. But before they do that, they should see if their husband has been restraining himself for a lifetime in order to be "perfect" for her. I am not implying that a man should save himself for marriage; I am simply saying that women shouldn't if a man doesn't. But since, people don't know who they're going to marry at a younger age; virginity should not be an issue. Either the whole world stops having premarital sex or everyone is open about it where marriages can just be a love relationship where both sides care about each other. But since we don't live in a perfect world, and religion is still getting in the way, we are condemned to live in this judgmental and injustice society.
I obviously respect people who obey the confinements of their religions, but for me I think life should be enjoyable and people should be able to choose for themselves if they want to have sexual intercourse with another person. Religion or tradition should not be the chain that holds them back from this experience. One’s own feelings are what should determine their position not their father's opinion or what society states. The choice should be one’s own and his/hers only.
Alfred,I concede what you wrote because it reflects your genuine point of view regarding the matter. At some points though, you have undermined the topic by considering sex as a merely satisfying experience and disregarding its actual motives and impacts on college students and their families. Moreover, the notion of taking things into one's hand and subjecting rational reasoning to instinctive desires is fair enough.
DeleteYes you're right, after i re-read my post i've realised that i have lacked in expressing my total point of view on the topic. In my opinion sex is an expression of love and affection as well as a pleasureful experience. I don't believe parents or society should have the right to condemn their child if he/she has committed the act. I think they should give them advise and guide them to what is right whatever their opinion is, even if they believe the child shouldn't have sexual relations. The concept of denying it is completely wrong, and the decision should fall to the child as long as he is aware of what he/she is doing and practicing sex in a safe way and with the person they truly love and care for.
DeleteRoseanne Khalaf's text was interesting; it was one of those texts you like to read. And since I must discuss one point that she made i would rather talk about what i really liked about her text.
ReplyDeleteIts the fact that she cited that there is always a conflict between the opinion of students and their parents, without paraphrasing their writings. Khalaf highlighted this in her text specially in her second paragraph "Breaking away: Parent/child dualism" she even represented the words of the students themselves "Fadi, Maya, Bahij, Adib..." which was nice cause for some students it felt like the topic of sex was kind of a forbiden thing to talk about in theirs houses, something they wanted to be able to talk about in a mature conversation without feeling weird, and this almost the case of every student interviewed and the two girls that appeared in the introduction "Layla and Samar" . It might be a consequence of the fact that all the students in her text are part of the extremes in the community, there is no middle point. Nevertheless it is certain that some of these people have had troubles concerning this issue, and the fact that she showed their own writings in her article gave it a bigger effect on the readers.
Michel Abdelmassih
Yes, I agree with you Michel. Khalaf emphasized the impact of the different points of view by copying the testimonies whithout paraphrasing, which formed a stress point and added a solid base to the structure of the text
DeleteI was tugged towards the part of the essay regarding parental hypocrisy and pretence which composes the core element that drive students in the direction of sex at a premature stage in college. Khalaf points out Goffman's understanding of contradictory parents and his analogy of "front stage" and "back stage" situations that epitomizes the double standard and phony based relationship among the parents that the children gradually become aware of.
ReplyDeleteThe insincerity that children are forced to witness at their households casts them as both the judges and the accused, for they are living the murder of every day's truth. Khalaf does not fully highlight this idea, however, it is at the root of disintegration of family ties and the communication between parents and their children. Moreover, it projects an awful image about long term relationships and the consistency of marital vows, hence the indifference of students regarding the consequences of sex and the indulgence in multiple relationships in college.
Bashir Sarieddine
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI really think that everything thing you said is perfectly accurate as it raises an issue not mentioned enough in the text.
DeleteAs a matter of fact, children at a certain age should be given the freedom to choose the path they shall follow regarding their beleifs, and therefore the quality of the life they are about to lead.
Roseanne Khalaf's text is quite interesting because of its controversial contents, especially the Freedom to Choose and Imagine section, where she highlights the idea that everyone has the freedom to choose his/her sex partner, which introduces subluminally the idea of normalizing homosexuality.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, homosexuality is not normal: it does not abide by the laws of God/Mother Nature. Adam woke up finding Eve sleeping on his chest. God/Mother Nature didn't give Adam a chance to choose to live with another man or with a woman.
Plus, in a long term, where will homosexuality lead us?! A man isn't complete without a woman and vise versa. Two men will never be able to have a child, neither two women. So homosexuality drives us toward the extension of the human race! The man and the woman complete each other! Sex action between them is the prime seed of the human race's survival.
I really liked Khalaf's text because it discusses a topic that is taboo for the majority of the Lebanese society. So this kind of texts isn't seen a lot in Lebanon. This is because Lebanon is still a traditional society especially the older generation, whereas the younger one has become more open to the issue of sex. So as Khalaf mentioned, a conflict takes place between these generations. She gives us many examples where the parents completely reject the idea of pre-marital sex. Other than that, Khalaf showed us through a few examples a true fact about the Lebanese society: boys are treated much differently than girls. They are allowed to experiment with sex before marriage whereas girls are forbidden to do so.
ReplyDeletePlus this text showed us the vast variety in ideas and opinions of some AUB students. This shows us that the points of view concerning pre-marital sex differ from region to region and from religion to religion. But in her text, Khalaf only talked about the two extremes: the people who have sexual relationships just for fun and to experiment, and the ones who think of sex as something taboo. She forgot to mention the people who are in the middle.
Roseanne Khalaf believes that the women of Lebanon dress in a provocative way to deal with the fact that the ratio of women to men in Lebanon is much greater “one male for every four females of eligible age”, she believes that the way women decide to dress indicates whether or not they are competing for this scarce commodity – males.
ReplyDeleteI believe that this is a very broad conclusion as to why some Lebanese women dress as they do. The way people dress says a lot about them and is influenced by many things such as the way they think, their religion and how they have been raised. How can an assumption be made that only women who reveal more of their bodies than others have the intention of being sexually appealing, while some women who are covered from head to toe due to their religion, upbringing or taste may be in fact more sexually active.
Having grown up in Australia a western culture, I have been amongst many open minded people. Women of all ages that have surrounded me during my upbringing have dressed in short revealing outfits , low cut tops and various attire that Khalaf or other Lebanese citizens may label as an “eroticization of the female body” when this is far from their intentions and is definitely not my intention when I am getting dressed in so called “sexually appealing clothing”. They may choose to dress this way purely due to the fact that they see it as fashionable, or they feel it is the best way to dress in order to obtain comfort within their own skin as I do.
I feel that judging someone by how they dress is wrong. “you should not judge a book by its cover” as if you were to look inside and understand their upbringing. Mentality and religion your judgement may be very wrong.
What do AUB students really think about sex?
ReplyDeleteIn Roseanne Khalafs first sub theme, breaking the silence: parent/child dualism, the first thing we notice is the conflict between two opposing opinions. So we have the students who view sex as a key factor for satisfaction of their desires/wants, and an opportunity to prove who they are. In addition, we have the opposing figure, the parents who stress on the consequences and dangers that follow free sex (outside love and marriage). Nowadays in my opinion, regarding the age difference between the two generations (parents and their children) the real factor that differentiates them is the way youngsters/students think. It is the way how they perceive things that really changed. Sadly they are affected by the western nation and societies along with its flaws (and not its beneficial notions). According to Khalaf and in reference to Seidman (1992), we have two contrasting schools; the Romantics who represent the parents and who view sex as a right way to express love, intimacy, and true bond between the couple. On the other hand, we have the other divergent group, which is referred to as the Libertarians, who view sex as a mere form of bodily sensual enjoyment/pleasure. That represents the students voice or mind.
In the paragraph under the sub them: the exhibitionist indecent exposure, Khalaf supposes or states that a majority of female students dress quite interesting outfits that reveal or unfold some parts of the body. In my opinion, a woman (specifically talking about AUB females) must represent and indicate her feminine features and attractiveness but not in an exaggerated approach. Moreover, Khalaf quotes “many women on campus are engaged in a competitive game of ‘outgoing’ each other”. This is probably true and girls might agree with this alleged idea.
Last but not least, “breaking the silence” by Roseanne Khalaf illustrates an interesting topic for discussion and questioning. Although in her selection, she doesn’t quote what other people think about premarital sex concerning their religious beliefs, thoughts, and feelings.
Hassan Zantout
What you said about us Lebanese being taken deeply with Western notions and ways of thinking is so true that we have become blinded by what they do and how they behave, we even tend to see everything they do as right that even their flaws and mistakes are the idealistic ways to handle situations. I think what we lack in Lebanon is the connection between both generations, we fail to communicate with our parents about the issue of sex in general. I also believe that now that our parents have such strong views about sex, it only creates in us the need the oppose what is forbidden, and hence have a tendency towards having sex, which explains somehow the sudden need in this new generation to experience sexual intercourse like no previous generation has experienced. I guess had it not been that much of a taboo, we would have dealt with it differently, or had we be more open about the subject like other Western countries it wouldn't have been that much of a big deal.
DeleteBut since we live in a different environment, and under different circumstances, where religion plays an important role, traditions are part of our daily life, and our families are crucial in our existence, then we should accept things the way they are, and people who are that influenced about the Western civilization, and who see it as the ideal society, should probably go live there, it would make their lives easier.
As Khalaf was discussing what AUB students think about sex, she tackled many important points. First, she shed a light on how many students believe that there is a gap between them and their parents because they are not so open minded about this issue. I believe that all parents are as openminded about sex as their sons and daughters are;however, they just avoid talking about it in front of their children because they believe they are still young. Moreover, parents do discuss sex just like the youngsters do , but it is from the parents' habbits and traditions not to talk abt it openly. I can't count the times when I was a child and used to enter a room full of adults and they all suddenly stopped talking and waited until i left again.
ReplyDeleteSecond, not all lebanese parents have the same point of view when it comes to their children and sex. Some are totally acceptable about their children being in relationships especially nowadays. On the other hand, you can still find many conservative people who refuse to accept premarital sex at all. All in all, I believe that this depends on the family's background and traditions , and it's really hard to generalize a specific statue for all Lebanese parents.
Fatima Khalife
"Breaking the Silence" by Rosanne Khalaf really shined a light on a topic that people were either ashamed or embarrassed to speak about. Sex. The 's' word infamous for some, and achievement for others. In Khalaf's work she presents six different categories that are highly relevant to her topic.
ReplyDelete1) the parent and child dualism
2)sexual identity in flux
3)indecent exposure
4)male and female sex language
5)the freedom to choose and imagine
6)writing in the margins
the topic that really stood out to me was the one about the indecent exposure. I found it kind of funny, yet true. It was about how women exagerate when it comes to showing more and more skin. don't get me wrong the fact that women compete against who gets more attention while wearing extremely short skirts is awesome, but the fact that there isn't anything beyond just the showing is what is kind of annoying to us men (in all honesty). women objectifying themselves to get attention is wrong, because they are also being classified into another category 'that girl' which even me being a guy knows that is not where a girl wants to be. but should she stay in the shadows and not be noticed just because she does not want to dress as revealing as everyone else? this conflict is an interesting one that is indirectly state in the text. Women went through this in high school for sure, but according to what the students said in the quotes that Khalaf gathered from AUB students you can see that it is also the case in college. People still believe that we should judge others on what is on the outside, rather than who they actually are, and that is sad. that has nothing to do with the text but i am just elaborating more on the idea.
I wasn’t so pleased after reading the text “Breaking the Silence”, I guess I expected it to be more interesting and I also felt that Khalaf did not communicate all of her points clearly. Nevertheless, there are some points she mentioned that I agree with and others that I don’t. The first thought I had of the text was that it is inaccurate for it doesn’t represent the all the opinions of our society about premarital sex; it mentions two extremes opinions. Another issue that I have with Khalaf’s text is that she focuses on the parents that are strict against premarital sex, but in fact there are many parents who are not. I understand that perhaps the majority of the parents think in that way because they care about reputation but it is important to mention that not all parents are like that; and that it depends on the background of the parents and which part of Lebanon they come from; it differs depending on the culture for we do not have a common culture or view in Lebanon. I am glad though that Khalaf has mentioned the double standards of the parents; how some of them expect their children to wait until marriage to have sex yet they themselves “fool” around. I think Khalaf should’ve discussed this point further and questioned why are there double standards? This fact makes me wonder if age makes a difference. Is it because we are young that our parents are protective about premarital sex? (Again this does not apply to all parents) Does it make it less wrong for people to have sex before marriage if they are older or more experienced? I think those are interesting factors that should be taken into account while trying to understand the reasons behind the mentality of parents. Another point that Khalaf mentions is that those who choose to wait to have sex until they are married are referred to the “romantics”. I think that those who choose to wait aren’t necessarily romantic, for romance is not always the reason for why they choose to wait. Many women are scared to ruin their reputation; they’re scared of being labeled and most importantly scared to end up single and not married. I think that is a big reason for why these romantics choose to wait until marriage; but of course this does not apply to everyone.
ReplyDeleteOne of the Khalaf’s points that I agree with is that there is a split between our generation and our parent’s generation. It is more normal for us to discuss sex or undergo sexual relationships than it was for them at our age. To us, our parents generation is “close minded” and to them our generation is “open minded” (again, does not apply to everyone). The reason I used quotations is because the definition of close minded and open minded differs for each generation. Today, in some areas in Lebanon, it is not impossible for a 13 year old to be sexually experienced. Someone my age would consider that absurd but to the new generation, it is considered part of the norm. This is why I tend to question whether the mentality of my generation is proper. People in my generation tend to follow the mentality of the majority without questioning enough; it is easy for them to just defend their opinions by saying they are liberals but I think that we should look deeper and further question our beliefs and our parents beliefs. Another thought that Khalaf mentions and I completely agree with is the fact that girls in our society dress the way they do to attract the opposite sex. A lot of girls deny the fact that they do it to attract other people, they say it is because they like fashion or because it makes them feel good, which could be true to an extent, but what they don’t admit is that the reason it makes them feel good is because they attract others. I don’t find it wrong that girls like to pamper themselves but in Lebanon it is taken to an extreme. Girls try too hard perfecting their outer appearances and spend very minimal energy trying to change other crucial factors like their personality, mentality, principles… things that will always stick with them and will never be lost, unlike physical appearances. One thing that the text made me notice is the difference between girls and guys. There seems to be a split between the mentalities of the girls in our society, but what about the boys? Do most of them really care if the girls have premarital sex? I think it was worth investigating further in what the boys think. Finally, the text made me reflect on the parenting skills parents have in Lebanon. A lot of the students who commented in the text revealed the weak parenting skills that are common in Lebanon. I think that if parents were able to communicate better with their children and explain their beliefs that that would truly influence the position of teenagers today.
ReplyDeleteEven I who do not like reading ejoyed reading " Breaking the silence ". For once, I hadn't felt that I am reading the text by force or something. On the contrary, I wanted to read more because it is well written and it had various points of views not only about the young, but also about parents. The text covered the majority of the society and i said to myself that I have read a little but now I know more. Not to mention that now I can participate in arguments better whenever this topic is being discussed since I've expended my way of thinking especially in debates.
ReplyDeleteI found that illustrating students' point of views with direct speech and exact words gave life to the text. It is important not only for the students to know other's opinions, but also for the parents who will read this text because they will find out the true opinions of their childen since not all the students like talking these topics with their parents. So it is like revealing what is afraid of being said.
I also liked how the author talked about the "exhibitionists" at AUB. However, I for one felt that calling the girls exhibitionists made me wonder if the author is professional or not because by saying exhibitionists, which is a negative word the author would be expressing her negative way of looking at exposures. True there are sometimes indecent exposure but there are many things that can push a woman into exposing herself so i personally thought that the author was judging although the different points of views concering exposure.
Mostly, it is a very interesting text in which you get familiar with how the society thinks about sex and everything related to it.
This text is very reveling of the situation at AUB. There is a real clash of points of view. This is normal since we live a country where there are many social classes and many religions and sects. It highlighted on many facts and opinions , very surprising. It's very illustrator of the Lebanese society. Her style of writing was amazing. The people's opinions made it ten times more interesting. There is a small part I didn't like " the exhibitionist part". In my very humble opinion, i think that this text is a report, scientific report if we can say, and the author's statement must stay neutral. But Khalaf used the word exhibitionists in a very pejorative way
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to my point of view, i am a very liberal person. I think that everyone is free to have the ideas he wants about premarital-sex. In fact i don't mind if the girl is virgin or not. I respect the virgin and the non-virgin exactly the same much.
I really don't agree with you on the fact that this text is "revealing" of the situation at AUB. It is very subjective and extreme. I also don't like the author's style of writing and the fact that you liked the people's opinions shows that you agree with them ? I couldn't think of weaker opinions that she could've shared. Clearly she used them to strengthen her point of view. I agree with you on the "exhibitionist" part and it's been discussed in class that it's extreme. I do appreciate that you shared your point of view in the very end, which is a very decent one.
DeleteWhen I was first assigned to read "Breaking the Silence" I was intrigued and excited because of the controversial nature of it.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I was disappointed though. I thought the author was being subjective. She had a point of view that's clearly absorbed from what's "acceptable" to a conservative society.
What I disagree the most about is the chapter "The Exhibitionist : Indecent Exposure". The author uses extreme and inappropriate words to describe AUB girls and then generalizes after a few weak interviews. She also states only negative reasons as to why the girls dress in a revealing way. Stating that they're after the seduction of males and after sex. I felt that these reasons exist but are rare. Seducing men in a university isn't very advisable and I'm sure these girls know that.Personally I believe the strongest reasons weren't even listed or mentioned.
I think that the text is written in a scholarly way, a sort of outcome of a research. And I think that trough out the interviews included in text there is a big gap in the point of views on sex at AUB. Which I think is probable due to the choice in the sample of students that is not reflective enough. Furthermore, it is not sufficient to generalize but more of an attempt, a start to a research. Nevertheless, Khalaf’s text showed me a facet of the AUB I was unfamiliar, which is the really big diversity in mentalities, that is hidden due to social repression explained in the text which i agree with.
ReplyDeleteWhat you say is not completely true. I think that the interviews help towards the understanding of the text, it helps us understand the text better, and I don't understand what you mean by "there is a big gap in the point of views at AUB". Moreover, it is enough to show the different point of views in AUB at least, within the campus, but it isn't enough to generalise for outside AUB.
DeleteIn her text, Khalaf unveils the reality which has been faced by the Lebanese society, and in particular, its youth. The author was capable of perceiving the various and divergent opinions in regards to the matter of sex before marriage where she resorts to multiple quotes made by AUB students who weren’t coy about providing their stands on this issue. Khalaf proceeded to mention several aspects in relation with sexual behavior, desires, and lusts. She also conveyed, indirectly, her opinion towards a specific concern, by utilizing the term “exhibitioners” as a way of describing AUB’s female students who reveal their bodies on campus for certain purposes.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Khalaf when it comes to this point. A lot of female students in AUB reveal too much in their clothing, all while pretending that they are simply comfortable in adopting the Western mode of clothing. What is rather offensive Westerners, even while dressing in such revealing clothing, do not drift as far as Lebanese girls have. The girls have been taking it to utter extremes in an indecent way. Khalaf goes on to point out that this is actually based on sexual desires and lusts. A plentiful of females choose to dress in this particular way in order to seduce or arouse the men around them. Their incapability of practicing their sexual desires in the face of traditions, and moral upbringings, slips in this form. Though, some girls actually are comfortable in such a style, it is always very apparent. The girl’s intention always dominates and indicates the basic motives of her actions.
In general, Khalaf’s text was very inclusive, and very credible with her priority focused on delivering the voice of AUB’s students. The undeniable fact is that our society has been evolving, which contributed in the founding new opinions, perspectives, and view clashing and collapsing with the prior ones.
- Abeer Moukaddem
What I was looking for ever since I started reading Khalaf’s text was the part where she talks about students that are considered “neutral”: between both extremes she doesn’t seem to stop talking about. Then I started thinking for a minute about the first weeks I already spent at AUB and I somehow agree with the fact that Khalaf doesn’t include any middle-ranged students in her study. As a matter of fact they only form a minority thus revealing a major aspect of the Lebanese mentality. People here in Lebanon have a certain dedication to materialism and show off. As a result, students who are not really conservative are inclined to perceive others as some sort of competition, and try to look even more sexy and desirable, either to outclass each other or to entice men’s attention.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, there are the conservative students that happen to be following cultural or religious traditions transmitted to them either by their parents or by their faith.
I personally think that each and every student at AUB should be free to think, dress and act as he pleases consequently forming a great university in which everyone, whatever their social or cultural inclination, may not only feel at ease but also find a lot of people he can relate to and live a great university experience with.
Overall, Roseanne Khalaf's text was appealing due to its revealing topic that attracts the attention of the youngsters specially that it is a taboo subject in Lebanese society nowadays. It is interesting to know different points of view about this topic and listen to their arguments. Each person thinks differently and it is good to be aware of their opinions regarding sex, specially those of one's environment, like AUB students, whom Khalaf interviewed.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that the author used quotations of students gave her text some vivacity, it isn't one of those dull informative texts. We feel implied in some points of view and we find ourselves in them.
In fact, what impressed me the most was the process that led to the writing of this article, namely encouraging students to openly discuss a controversial subject in a classroom setting. This exercise helps tremendously students expose their opinions and stand behind them more so in front of an adult who won't judge them. Through that exchange of views, some might end up changing their mind about some aspects of the debate.
But what I like less in Khalaf's text is that she mentioned thoroughly the two extremes about this subject: either the really conservative opinions or the libertarians. She didn't mention the ones that are in between these two aspects.
From a content perspective, two things struck me: first, there are no negative comments about homosexuality. Is it the trend now to accept it as a stretch of the boundaries of sexual relations? Second, I find the description of girls' dressing styles too extreme: although I have not been around AUB campus long, I do not think this is the most striking element of campus life. Even if there were some who would dress a bit more open than the normal they didn't have in my opinion any intention to attract men but a fashion statement.
There are different points approched by Roseanne Khalaf in this text, but they all lead to the same subject : Differents point of views about sex from AUB students. What's intreguing is that there are specific things that trigger such or such behavior. The author points out several facts for the different point of views and they are all very interesting and concrete.. There are libertarians, which are the ones that say that sex should be open to do whenever, and specifically not after marriage, whereas the romantics think that "making love" should be forbiden before marriage and you should only do it with the people you fall in love with, since a girls virinity is like an offering for the man after marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhat personally attracts me is the fact that the new generation act as a response to what their parents use to do or say to them. For example a child could be libertarian if his parents were way too strict, or way too kind. The romantics prefer the traditionnal sex hence doing it with the person you love AFTER marriage, but libertarians think like foreigners that it isn't as important and as big of a deal as what their parents consider it to be.
The author made a very good job with the difference of point of vue and has explained clearly what the reasons are for weach one.
Khalaf mentions " students do not regard heterosexuals as the building block of social life " (2006,page313). We live in a multicultural society with many religions and many sects, and whether we like it or not, for a united living we have to accept the different, and respect them as who they are with their differences even if we dont agree with their beliefs. Although religion refuses homosexuals, it highly encourages people towards acceptance, tolerance and benevolence. In my opinion, although i respect homosexual relationships, I do not encourage them. Now with the advance of medicine, some cases are biologically proven, these cases we cant do anything about but respect them.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the topic of premarital sex, I believe there are certain limits to everything we do in life, we shouldnt take things to the extreme, we should live in moderation. I understand a couple who has been together long enough and wants to share this intimacy by having sex, but i cant understand teenagers who see sex as only a means of lust and pleasure. Most of our previous older generations used to abide to sex only after marriage, and it was in the mentality of a guy to marry a virgin girl, I dont see how now sex has become such a sudden need which we have to experience at this early age. Is it in the human nature to feel the intense need to have sex, or is it just that it has become a new trend?
Tracy Zeinoun
Moreover, Khalaf deals with only the student's point of view, and narrows her research on a very small number of students that could not possibly represent all AUB students, and which are insufficient to generalize views about this particular topic.
ReplyDeleteWhat I really liked about this article is that Khalaf was able to show the two extreme sides to the topic. Premarital sex is a big issue in Lebanese society. The fact that he included both traditional and post-modern sides in his article is very interesting. Khalaf had only interviewed a small group of AUB students and generalized the whole article to all of AUB students. Surely it was not fair to the rest of the AUB students but it is interesting to find many points of views in that article. What I appreciated the most was that Khalaf introduced this sex narrative writing to students. I believe it is important for teachers to encourage students to write about such strong topics.
ReplyDeleteI did not necessarily agree with the author when he had spoken about how the female in AUB dressed her body. I do not disagree because I feel concerned but because he generalized it. The number of females who dress in a seductive way to attract the opposite sex is not very important; I do not believe every female has a goal of dressing up only to attract men. I also do not agree with his argument support, which was Bourdieu’s ‘’social capital’’ theory. Bourdieu’s theory cannot be related to female’s way of seducing a man. His theory is about a human who builds his social capital as an achievement that concerns him as an individual and that concerns his career. It is an interesting metaphor but I do not believe it is the appropriate support for this argument.
I enjoyed reading Khalaf’s “Breaking the Silence” because she tackled a topic which captures the interest of many people within different age groups. Pre-marital sex is a broadly discussed social phenomenon in eastern societies nowadays and mainly the Lebanese community. Khalaf negotiated all the main points underlying this topic, as well as the different points of view of different sets of people in AUB and etc…
ReplyDeleteI agreed with her on several issues even when she called some of AUB women students, exhibitionists. Khalaf may have exaggerated with the title but the content of this category was a 100 percent realistic. Girls follow trends and recently fashion trends are mainly related to overly exposed clothing. She also points out that females try to outdo each other in terms of maybe how short a skirt is or how revealing a certain top is. This is what some of the students she interviewed claimed. Maybe issues in our community should be addressed with harsh ‘titles’ so that people will realize how risky the situation is. Women are now competing by revealing their ‘beauty’ to get men. Dressing in the way discussed above, may make girls feel better about themselves and have more self- confidence but I think this dress code is vulgar. Women shouldn’t rely on their bodies to get what they want; they have better things to consider. I should also point out that it is not necessary that people of the previous generation fall into the romantics category and vice versa. People, regardless of their age group, have different beliefs.
Khalaf finally raises the voice of teenagers that have been silent for quite a time . Students that are enrolled not only to AUB but also to other colleges, are meant to experience something new, and are trying to cope with university requirements and are in a phase of contradiction; making an appearance and socializing, and getting grades and be succesful on another hand. What Khalaf exposed in her text was the first part, appearances, and what students in AUB think about sex.Well, most of them were nagging about how oldfashioned their parents are and how much sex is a pleasure and a freedom. And when it comes to premarital sex ,these people are ready to be dishonest and don't give any importance to their "virginity". However, Khalaf judged the youth by those few people she interviewwed with. What I really think is that she exaggerated the idea of sex at AUB and how much girls dress provocatively , and erased the majority of people that are really against the idea and who have their dignity and pride . Also, I'm sure that parents influence their childs by the way they raise them . Too strict, or too openminded, both ways are wrong .
ReplyDeleteI think that Khalaf's opinion about premarital sex is that it's wrong and it's disgusting, that's why she emphasized and exaggerated the idea when most of the girls are modest and innocent.
The controversy of the world is leading the Lebanese people to be openminded about sex, as the Americans are.. And from my point of view this is starting from AUB and every other college because the realtion parent-child is becoming really mysterious and dishonest.
Regarding your last paragraph i disagree with you saying that the main reason why Lebanese people are becoming so open-minded about sex is due to the the fact that students' relationships with their parents are becoming "mysterious and dishonest". I on the contrary find that in a lot of cases where parents and their children can communicate freely and honestly it is very likely for the child to become very open-minded about certain issues. For example a subject like sex doesn't have to be considered as taboo and discussing it with your parents would give them the opportunity to shed the light on important points you need to know in relation to the subject. Whether or not you agree with them is your choice. In fact, some parents aren't necessarily opposed to premarital sex and teach their child to always be aware of some unwanted consequences, not only letting them approach the subject in an open-minded manner but also equipping them with the necessary information that would lead them to a healthy sex life.
DeleteTarek Dada
I think Khalaf's text is very interesting because it treats a subject that most teenagers would find intriguing, especially because of the controversy it causes in the Lebanese society. Although we might already discuss sex with our friends, i appreciated the way the author exposed diverse point of views that many of us might have neglected in the past. For instance, if someone were to be deeply opposed to premarital-sex most commonly the friends that surround that person would be of the same mind. Throughout her text, Khalaf gives you multiple opinions that might not necessarily change your point of view about the subject, but would inform you about why some people would consider having premarital sex getting back to my example. Furthermore, i admired the fact that the author got students to speak in such honesty and also how she used their quotes to illustrate some of her opinions.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as many said earlier, the fact that Khalaf only based her studies on students who were either very religious or very liberated and open-minded weakens her points. Indeed, she should have included in her studies those who have a moderate view on sex and not necessarily an extremist position. I especially disagree with her saying that people who are open to premarital sex only seek pleasure whereas other might see it as a meaningful act of love that doesn't necessarily have to be associated to marriage.
Tarek Dada
Hi Tarek , I like the point you made by saying that Khalaf's purpose isn't changing your mind but giving you multiple opinions. That's true, she didn't try to convince us about a point, she was very objective in her text.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, Khalaf concentrated mostly on AUB students who are active sexually and are open about their sexual life inside and outside the university. However she did not report interviews with students who are still conservative with this life and who still believe in the sacracy of sexual relationships to one special particular person. Her paragraph reflects an image of the life inside AUB, but the way i see it, this image has been taken from one perspective.
ReplyDeleteI must say i didn't expect life on campus would be like this before starting my first semester, but as it was mentioned in Khalaf's paragraph (2007), a student named Khatir said : "AUB is a place of extremes. Girls either reveal all or hide all".
Khalaf mentioned parents' point of
ReplyDeleteView towards premarital sex. I think that they are against premarital sex not because they are traditional but because of their fear for their children: indeed, teen's brain is still developing so they don't always understand the gravity of
Their actions until they face the consequences!
On the other hand, parents worry for their own reputation since society often blames them for the actions of their children. Arab society scrutinizes and belittles the person who doesn't respect the norms and the values in this regard. Our world is different from the occidental one, people interfere in each person's life preventing them from violating religious norms and fulfilling their desires...